Sexless Marriages

Sexless MarriagesUnconsummated marriage is the marriage in which the couple fail to have penetrative sexual intercourse. These are sometimes called incomplete marriages. Most couples are dismayed to find that they are unable to have sexual intercourse, whether in their first attempts, or in subsequent attempts after the marriage. Often, simple embarrassment prevents them from confiding in or consulting with anyone, thus perpetuating the condition, often for several years. Many of them continue to have an outwardly married life but their sexual practice remains non-consummated! This finally leads to severe marital discord, and if untreated by any Sex Therapist will end up in divorce.

A few of the couples enjoy the intimate feeling by getting involved in necking and petting. They seem to be fairly comfortable this, even without sexual intercourse.

Causes of Unconsummated Marriages: The spectrum of causes is very wide. It would be surprising to know that many couples are in unconsummated marriages just because of lack of basic knowledge about sexuality, genitals, their structure and functional aspects. This is true even in case of highly educated couples and who are living is the age of internet and television, where sexually explicit material is available.

Unconsummated marriages are relatively more common in religiously orthodox communities. Before marriage these

individuals believe with conviction that sexual intercourse is ‘bad’. The same thought would continue even after marriage and they cant get rid of this pattern of thinking that sex is ‘bad and wrong’

Other causes for unconsummated marriages are Sexual abuse (rape, molesting etc) in the premarital life which will have its unhealed scars in the minds of these individuals. These bad experiences of past make them believe that sexual intercourse is not a pleasurable experience; it hurts and contaminates.

Few other couples may suffer with one or more of the following conditions, which will fail them from consummating their marriage

  • Vaginismus- painful spasm at the entrance of the vagina, which makes penetration impossible (in females)
  • Dyspareunia -Arousal disorders in females leading to lack of lubrication  difficulty and pain during penetration (mostly in females)
  • Erectile Dysfunction secondary to performance anxiety
  • Fear of pregnancy (both male and female)
  • Premature Ejaculation (extra vaginal ejaculation, even before penetration)
  • Poor technique of intercourse (both male and female)

Diagnosis of Unconsummated Marriages:

The Sexual Physician will take a detailed history of the both wife and husband individually, followed by a joint session with the couple. Both male and female factors will be thoroughly examined and also the relationships issues (non-sexual) will be assessed. Physical examination and laboratory tests are done for both the couples

Treatment of Unconsummated marriages:

Though it is very tedious and time taking to treat these cases, but if the couple is really interested and motivated, the success rate is fairly good. Treatment involves a combined approach with sex counseling, Sex Therapy and medications